Smitten: A War

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."

-- Gilda Radner

The thing with me is that I am totally dense when it comes to relationships and men.Yes, I did go to school with boys, rode in cars with men, drank and cursed with them but I am still at a total loss when it comes to their kind. So yes, I don't know when to take them seriously, and when to say it's all a game.

I didn't know that they can make you feel like the sun shines and sets on your ass one minute, and they can make you feel like an aging junkie the next. Yes, without a warning. I didn't know that they can pay you lip-service like a hustler one time, and then drop you like a hot potato the next. Yes, without a warning. And just when you think you are beginning to fall into that trap, bam, they're gone in 60. Yes, still without a warning.

Or maybe it was all my fault. I had this picture in my head of a lovestory that was more meant for the big screen than in real life. That i had these illusions that maybe, just maybe, there could be a chance. I don't even know how it started or why, but "our" story ended so bad...it ended when it has not even started.

Fine, my bad. My fault. I should have known the written and unwritten rules. Rule number 1: Never take a player seriously lest you want a broken heart.

But do let me be juvenile for awhile. I've been itching to say and throw spiteful words lately I just might die if I don't get to say it. I think a man would really prefer to be with someone with a pretty face and a warm hot body than be with a smart mouth and a witty brain. I mean, really, if I were a man I would do to. There'd be a soft cushion to lay my head on, rather than an overthinking brain, right? Who wants to go to bed with a brain and have clinical sex with it? Certainly, not even I would. If i were a man, I would want to go to bed with endless smooth legs. But come to think of it,sooner or later, one way or another, you're gonna have to have an intelligent conversation or at the very least a decent conversation with a woman. You know, a conversation that wouldn't have to include a "wahahaha", "jejeje" or a "toinkz" in between every sad pathetic sentence.
It is kinda sad to lose over someone who you think is beneath you. Ok fine, I am being an intellectual and social snob. That's because I am. Plus the fact that I am hurt. Fine, there, I said it. I am. I have a bruised and crushed ego that wouldn't accept the fact that I've been fooled. And here I am, vulnerable as a lamb, claiming to be smart, when I, clearly am not. FUCK. ME.SHIT.

Next time, oh no, there will be no next time I hope. I hope I'd be smarter than my age. You know, one who wouldn't swoon over a sweet word and a sweet smile. Lesson learned.

Sabi nga ni Bob Ong:
"Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."

Yes...my bad.