When I Grow up I Will Want you.

For example:hahaha!

HUG-WHORE

This is an open letter to my future boyfriend/flame/fling/fiance/husband or whatever you may call it:

Dear You, (for lack of a better name hihi)

  You are one lucky son of a bitch exclamation point!!!

   Imagine bagging me, the last girl standing. Either you are one lucky son of a bitch, or you've done something really good in your past life to earn this good karma like feed the people of Somalia, or you just didn't know what really hit you. Ha-ha!

   So I'm in my room bored outta my wits and I had to decide between popping my zit or writing you a letter. The first one was really gross and painful so I decided to write you instead (yes, writing you a cheesy letter isn't gross and painful-just one degree less than that.) So I decided to write this just to inform you how lucky you are, to warn you of the days to come, to tell you who i am ,and who i am not and just how lonely your life could be without me to fill up your days and even your nights. Yes, that's how you spell Confidence.M-E. Me, honey, all me.

   You are lucky because:

1. I am not ugly. Not gorgeous, just not ugly. Simple as that.
2. I have a brain. I'm not brilliant, I just happen to talk some sense. You know, not just a one-liner jejemon talk, but a complete sentence with a subject-verb agreement even my grade school teacher can really be proud of.
3. I read. I am the way I am now because I read a lot when I was growing up. From Sweet Valley High, to Komiks to law books, yep, I read. Well, I'm not exactly rich in experience but the things I learned, I learned them through reading. Would you care to strike a conversation with me? Oh honey, don't worry we can politics and Piolo Pascual in the same breath.
4. I run. I care for my body because I want to look and feel good about myself, and for you. I don't want you to be looking somewhere else when I talk to you. I want you to look me in the eye, not look into someone else's breasts. Well, ok fine you can look at someone else's headlights because mine aren't exactly huge, just try not to feel someone else's breasts for that matter would you?
5. I don't like malls, I hate shopping. Well, ok hypocrisy and all. I hate shopping just because I don't have shopping money and I am loathe to think that I can stand there lost in the sea of LV's and Chanel's and my head would throb from the pain of not buying anything!  But, but when I do have money I still hate shopping just because I just do.
6. But I love doing the grocery. I love grocery stores. It's a total turn-on, pardon the French hihi! When I was a kid I've always wanted to own a grocery store where I can play both the role of a cashier and security guard. I like the security and the comfort the grocery store gives me like I'd never ever go hungry. Aaaah, you say that's mendicant psychology. Maybe it is, oh but you love that about me!
7. I am funny. Which, by the way made me fall in love with you because you're funny too. But sometimes my humor borders on the sarcastic, so pardon me if I throw biting remarks at you. Think of it this way, foreplay baby! Kidding.
8. I write. And I promise you I'm gonna write you often. I'm gonna send you BBM's, text messages, email, YM about the most mundane, absurd things like how I like it when you smile for me, like how I love it when you put your hands on the small of my back proprietarily, like how I love it when the sun hits your hair. I'm gonna put letters in the most unexpected places just for you, and you can betcha my ass some letters will even make you blush. Ugh, are you scared? Now, I'm stalking haha!
9. You're lucky I don't cook because if I did I'm pretty sure you'd be really fat by now. Ha-ha! Fine, I thought I can get away with not cooking for you. I'm gonna learn-learn to cook the best dish God intended a woman to serve a man: ADOWBOW!  (no pun intended.) :)
10. I'm charming. If your Mom doesn't approve of me ,(but of course she will!) but in case she doesn't I will charm my way into her heart. If she still can't fall in love with me, well, she can go screw herself. I still want you though.
11. I have a brother who I take good care of, and so that's a preview of how I'm gonna be taking good care of you too-only not in a brotherly fashion. :)
12. I have a Mom who is dying for me to give her a grandchild. Don't get me wrong. Eventually I would want to have kids too. Preferably within wedlock. But let's not talk about kids, que sera sera...
13. I have  a good command of the English vocabulary so when I introduce you to my friends I'm not going to merely refer to you as my boyfriend. I'm gonna say "Meet ___, he's Rich!" See, my Thesaurus is up to date. I'm kidding I told you I was funny! And then when we fight you wouldn't only get to hear English cuss words, but you're gonna hear a lot of expletives even Manay Lolit Solis would shudder to hear. Plus the fact that I can cuss in Filipino, English, Ilocano and Ibanag. Take your pick honey. I never said I was born a lady.
14. I am a HUG-WHORE. So anytime you need human warmth and human touch, honeeeey, let's get physical?! (yes, hear me purrr!)
15. I am clingy when I want to be clingy. But I am also independent. Lest you go thinking I will be destroyed and break down in case we break-up, no I won't. I've lived without a man in my life the past 32 years, what makes you think I can't live without you? I'd cry, I'd be devastated. I'd put ASSHOLE in your middle name, but given time I will move on. Because I am strong and independent
16. I have great friends who love me and I like spending time with them. Before you go thinking you can't stand being with whiny bull-headed women , nope, you won't be invited when my friends and I go out. I can't share them with you. Our time together is sacred, besides, you don't really want to hear about their babies and their sex lives do you? And I expect the same from you. You can hang out with the boys. You can go drink with them, if you decide to go whoring with them, at least try to get protected. And I do expect you to go drinking with the boys, so never expect me to report to you what drink I had too. Do not expect me to tell you all my whereabouts, but don't worry, you're probably going to see it on Facebook anyway.

          FYI: Yes I drink, but not that much. Just when I feel like it which isn't most of the time. When I drink I
          dance wild. Errr, lucky you.

     17. I'm not a shoe person. So lucky you! But I have a thing for bags. Unlucky you!

     18. I'm very jealous but I tend to keep it to myself. But sometimes when I can't, expect me to throw
          caution to the wind and to tell you to fuck-off. Lucky you, that can probably feed your already over-
          sized ego.
     19. You're my first boyfriend/fling/flame/love of my life. So don't go breaking my heart.
     20. You're lucky I'm crazy in love with you. And when I say I love you, there's only you- you
           lucky  son  of a bitch! :)
          
                                                                                                        Love,

                                                                                                        A.